two hearts. . . one love. . . bliss
We`ll be together, Forever
another day, another story... one true love
♥
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
i'm LACKADAISICAL at the moment (is that how that word is used SP?) Every single living day has been so routine... I wake up at ungodly hours and hang out in gardens till I feel bored.. if there are no other plans for the day, i'll jus go home and read a novel or go online and watch anime or something. It's sounds so monotonous and boring... I've never realised that my life had become so routine, I start noticing negative things when i'm not really that happy.. i'm not really happy at the moment.. My mom just got her paws on the monthly handphone bill.. *gulps* i received a rather nasty call from her too... and my weekly allowance has been erm.... reduced to a meager sum? haha to pay for the bill.... *Shrugs* oh well it'll all blowover in 3 wks.... [8.10p.m]jus came back from my class chalet... damn that stupid toklet... i told him to call me when he was at the chalet cuz he said "i'll go down first cuz i've nth to do anyway" then i waited till 11.45 for his call n when i called him he said he was home alreadi... **** so anyways, i tried to walk to the bus stop to make it for the last bus but being the sway fella that i am, i didn't make it... and i only had 2 bucks in my wallet so i couldn't take a cab either.. but Shahrul being the great guy that he is offered to give me a lift home on his bike... he had no spare helmet so he went home to get his spare while i waited at the chalet... Seriously, riding a bike is super cool... i've rode behind before but not long distance... n Shahrul liked seriously stepped on the gas man.. haha n the feelin of the wind blowing on my jacket is great!!!Oh well, i've been busy the past few days.... been concentratin on bettin n stuff... been winning money n i'd like it to stay that way... but that's not all i've been thinkin about... hey SP, sori i came back so late... Shahrul took longer than i thought he would...I was thinkin, u noe i really don't noe who i've become at the moment... i've become this empty shell walkin around with no purpose in life.. i look back at who i was and i feel i had more purpose in life compared to now... have i lost all that? My dad jus called me a bum... someone who lives off his parents... n i smiled at him cuz he was half drunk but it made me think... and i could only agree with him... I've failed my 1st semester terribly... cuz i was too full with myself.. too lazy... I've lost alot of respect ppl once had in me... cuz apparently my morals got compromised... and i didn't care a hoot bout my dignity... I've ignored many human values that were once instilled in me... I mean we are are all human, so there is room for error n everything.. but i've pretty much screwed up my life in many ways and it'll take a whole lot of effort to change it back.. part of me wants this life... but another part of me noes that if i continue like that i'll jus waste my life... n i'll have no future. See... ppl who see me now think i'm this bad ass playboy who smokes and drinks... hangs out with bad company, hangs out late into the night and gambles his life away... hell, i even look like a gangster. But what if i wasn't built that way? I feel so empty now... something's missing in my life... my frenz would ask me to get a gf.. would a girlfriend complete me? If there's nothing in your heart then no amount of brains would help you... is that true?? love has like no meaning to me at the moment... it's jus another word that humans come up with for a feeling.. which ironically they dunno the meaning of.. whoever readin this can tell me the true meanin of love? it's so general... it's such a big word... no one can find the meanin of love... I'm getting too worked up into this that it seems like it's an essay yea? i've alot of thoughts in my head now... n as u can see it's rather mixed up.. oh well when i come up with the meanin to love i'll tell you... I'm not in love now anyways.. i'm in chemistry! heh... that would mean that i feel i have chemistry with someone... *shrugs* dunno where it'll lead to but i'll see what the future brings... n i intend to change my image somehow... i noe gals like bad ass guys but that's jus a phase.. i mean even if u look drop dead gorgeous but no character it'll serve no purpose...looks like i got carried away huh? better stop now... gonna go view my soccer statistics... Y can't man utd freakin score??? gosh, they must be on terrible form without rooney.. alright ciao!
3:46 AM
